A is for ...

Having just visited the lovely Talli Roland I noticed something strange is going on out there in Blogland starting today - An A - Z challenge for bloggers.

Well, I’ve joined the merry bandwagon.

Thinking about where to start isn't difficult. I want a positive start. You may see from recent blogs, I haven’t been feeling too positive lately, I've rather lost my mo-jo. Sometimes living with chronic health problems can get you down. And the last eighteen months have been more of a challenge for me than the last twenty five years. However, as someone who’s maxim is, ‘There’s no such word as Can’t,’ it’s time for me to try and get it back.

Nan used to tell me I could achieve anything if I wanted it and worked hard enough. So my word to start the A – Z Challenge is ACHIEVE.

I am going to achieve my short term goals;

- To finish my novel in time for the RNA New Writer’s Scheme.
- To get 100 followers on the blog.
- To blog every day during April.


What do you aim to achieve today/this April?


Until another day

Bye for now

xx

We all have our cross to bear

Five years ago, my husband, my soul mate, the love of my life had an affair. Despite a year apart, we are still together.

It never leaves me – what he did and what we went through consequently. Every day some little reminder prods and pokes at the old scab to see whether it has healed. There were times during my troubles that I was overwhelmed by anger – not at him, but an incredulity that I’d had more than my fair share of grief and hard times over the years. ‘Him up there’ has thrown most things at me at some stage or another; being abandoned by my mother and father as a small child; numerous miscarriages; being diagnosed with Behcets disease in my twenties and losing my job as a result; my eldest child being very, very sick. I won’t go on. There is a lot more.

I used to wonder how it was that some people seem to have all that life can throw at them and some remain untouched, leading seemingly blessed lives. Over the years, I realise that is not the case. Everyone has his or her cross to bear. Adversity can strike with or without notice. It can hit a relationship, a loved one, your business, your health or your financial status. No matter where or when it hits it will leave the same emotions and feelings in its wake; anxiety, stress, frustration, disappointment, fear, sadness and almost always, a sense of hopelessness and/or despair. How cruel life can be. But we all know that life’s not fair and what is it they say – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?

Adversity has an incredible power over our emotions, feelings and responses. Yet it always amazes me how strong the human spirit can be to endure such pain and hard times and still battle and come through the other end. From what I’ve gleaned so far, it is how we deal with adversity that separates those who come out at the other end better and wiser from those who are broken by the experience or end up bitter and ruined. Indeed, how we see life determines our interpretation of whether it is an adversity or not. When adversity rocks a comfortable secure life, fear takes over. We all wonder, ‘how will I survive alone?’ ‘Can I ever get over this?’ ‘Will I ever get a new job or career?’ However, if ten people faced the same adverse event, I guarantee that some will see it as negative, some positive and some devastated by it.
We have a choice as to which way we see it. One of the best illustrations I can give is for you to think about Neville and Doreen, the parents of Steven Lawrence or, Sarah Payne, mother of little Sarah who was abducted and murdered by a paedophile. There can be no event more terrible to endure than the death of a child. For some people, a tragedy gives their life purpose.

I should be a resilience coach. Over the years, I’ve perfected it to a fine art. Every knock back is a learning experience. How many times have I told myself that, ‘It must have happened for a reason’ or ‘some good has to come from it.’ Perhaps I’m kidding myself and wrapping it up to make it easier to accept. But hey, if that’s my coping mechanism at least I can say that the challenges in life have made me better, not bitter. It depends how strong your survival instinct is. For me it has always been the need to keep going and never give in. If we’re trying to climb a mountain, it isn’t the mountain that we conquer, it is ourselves. Edmund Hillary said that after he climbed Mount Everest.

I’m not for one moment suggesting that I’m always strong and positive, focussed and proactive in the face of disorder. I can fall apart like the next person and how we cope at the time of the event is a completely different matter and a separate blog. I am talking about resilience, because after I’ve wallowed and hit the bottom, something kicks in and I always, ALWAYS manage to bounce back up and fight. Here’s what I’ve learnt from adversity:-
1 To fight not flight – It’s far better to face the reality of the situation rather than run or shirk it.
2 Accept support from family and friends - The saying, ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ is so true. It’s also true that the tough times are when you find who your friends are. People who care deeply for you will be there when adversity strikes. When my world crashed around my ears five years ago, my friends carried me through. But even total strangers reached out to me to give their support and encouraged me to keep trying hard to get my life back. Women in particular - ‘sisters’ - there is nothing like the support of another woman. Men rarely have the same support network.
3 Focus on what you have, and what you can do – This doesn’t mean money and material things. People, especially you, are far more important to treasure than possessions.
4 Learn from it and re-build – Adversity can be a tool, just like any other emotional tool for positive change. You have to be self aware to see the opportunity. You have to be patient with yourself – not beat yourself up thinking things like, “I’m such an idiot.” Adversity often brings with it knocks to confidence, loss of security, crippling lack of self-esteem. If you can dig deep into your resolves and strive to where or who we want to be rather than who we are or who we used to be, you will have to have learned to love yourself enough.

Learning to love yourself is the most crucial key to coming through adversity and being stronger and better as a result.

Walt Disney once said:- “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” A resilient person is able to withstand life’s battles, survive them, and come out triumphant. If you are currently smack in the middle of a rotten situation, take a step back and think of another occasion when you (or someone you know) went through a trauma, tragedy or horrible experience. You see, you survived (or they) survived. We are here to tell the tale. Surviving such experiences should give us confidence and belief in our ability to get on with it when the unthinkable happens. Life isn’t fair and you may be battled scarred and weary but at least you will be able to look at the scars and know the hurt is over and the wound is closed because you have that gift of an amazing and indomitable human spirit.


Until another day

Bye for now

Re-inventing oneself

I’ve had to re-invent myself many times over the years, and never more so than when I retired from my job in a bank due to ill health. I didn’t face up to the gaping hole left by leaving the bank, and to all intents ending my career-not until several years later when it came back and bit me in the bum inadvertently through a challenging and difficult chain of events.

Behcets disease means I can go through periods of reasonably good health, although over latter years a good day is just ok. I always have pain somewhere-you just get used to it, and you have to get on with it.

The most frustrating thing about living with it is that my brain is still alive-it’s just that my body won’t always let me do what I want it to!
I was rather pleased when I was able to turn my magpie tendencies of collecting fabric and crafty bits into a small business, Despina Gifts. For years, friends and family told me I should sell some of the keepsakes I’d hand crafted for their birthday and Christmas presents and I eventually I plucked up the courage to go for it. However, because of the popularity of handcrafted items (and my own weakness-being such a ‘driven’ person,) the hobby became a full time job and encroached drastically on home life. Once this happened it had to be worth my while and after several months of sticking my head in the sand, I did concede that making £150 in a month was not sustainable longer term.

Nothing could be as hard as my pronouncement to ‘give in’ to the illness and leave the bank. For years, I told people-“When I lost my job in the bank due to ill health.” Because of the kind of person I am I felt a failure. In addition, I don’t like to do anything unless I do it really well and am successful at it.
The decision to give up my craft business was marginally easier because the facts were harsh-crafting was killing my hands and whilst it was nice to get a bit of pin money I was never going to be a millionaire doing it. And when the arthritis symptom of my Bechets reared its ugly head before Christmas, right at a time when the kitchen looked more like Santa’s workshop, I knew it was time to admit defeat and change what I was doing.

Always the survivor, I’ve become a dab hand at re-inventing myself over the years. As Charles Darwin once said-“The organism that adapts will survive...the organism that doesn’t will become extinct...” Fifteen years in Banking and watching the ‘old dinosaur’ Bank Managers disappear taught me that was true.

It was a hard to feel like a 'quitter' again and be reminded of my fragility, but I’m over it now and just make the personalised PE Kit and Teacher Resources Bags in my spare time and sell through a shop on E-bay called Despina Bags-of-Fun. The bags would get out of control again if I let it-I have orders on the board for 41 bags at present. I think I must be filling a gap in the market somewhere-pity I’m not well enough to exploit it! Instead I’ve told my customers that there is a 2-4 week waiting period which allows me to take my time and work designing and making bags around my other priorities.

Because the great thing about re-inventing yourself is that you get the chance to become the person you always wanted to be, and do the things that bring you joy-it’s a chance to discover your passion, (which may change constantly as circumstances in our lives change) and then live the life.

Of course no one will ever be “picture-perfect” in this life. But “fulfilled and satisfied” is the name of the game for me and I’ve got this far with very few regrets or missed opportunities so it’s got to be pursued. Which brings me to my current passion..WRITING...."Why writing?" I hear you cry.

Well, I've been telling my friends and family for over ten years that this is what I'd like to do. I have so many ideas for stories and bits of writing after ten years of thinking and daydreaming about it that it is ridiculous. My notebooks of scribbling are weighing down the loft. I have made enough excuses-been busy doing other things/nervous/putting it off/not sure where to start for too long.
I have a filofax now and a copy of Jane Wenham-Jones's book, "wannabe a writer?" about getting into print. And I want it, (to write and be published, that is.)

I’ve done enough pontificating, prevaricating and procrastinating. It's time to just get on with it. And I am getting on with it, even though there are many of you bloggers that do it better-You are funnier, more descriptive, more accomplished, maybe already a published author. I just can’t miss the chance to re-invent myself and try and live a dream once more. And it is only thanks to the bloggers on this site that I have been able to free up my mind in the last year or so and see clearly that it’s time to have a go at achieving my next ambition, and with any luck, my health shouldn’t be too much of a barrier for this one.

I’ll tell you more about where I’m up to another day, (and catch up on my homework, I promise Headmistress.)


Until then

Bye for now




WesterWitch/Headmistress said...
Ahhhhh - weird - we are both at the same point in life. Good for you. And remember as writers no one of us is better than the other - if you love to write then you write and your love of your gift and your creativity will shine through and they will touch the people they are meant to touch.

Friday, April 18, 2008


ChrisH said...
Good to have you back and best wishes for your new career.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Frances said...
Hello to you, fellow adapter!

Every time that I have been able to choose to make a change, or have been able to make an un-sought change, it has made my life much more interesting. Stretch, stretch, stretch.

Every switcheroo turn has introduced me to unknown personal aspects, but also has opened me up to meeting all sorts of new people, and learning new skills.

From reading your blogs, I know that you are indeed a writer. It is going to be fun to see where giving your writing more priority will lead.

All best wishes to you! xo

Friday, April 18, 2008


Pipany said...
Hurray, you're back! Love to hear of you reinventing yourself (while remaining the same lovely you of course); it always excites me to read of new beginnings and to follow how they go - keeps life fresh and full of possibilites, so I shall be following this closely (though not like a stalker obviously!) xx

Friday, April 18, 2008


Milla said...
good for you, CCA, keep on keeping on.

Friday, April 18, 2008


toady said...
Yippeee you're back. So sorry that your health problems are encroaching but that positive outlook is fantastic.[send some this way!]
Now don't disappear again.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Crystal Jigsaw said...
So lovely to see you blogging again. Another blog to look forward to reading. I shall read the first 2 chapters in your other blog later on when I have a little more time to sit down and concentrate. Writing is such a wonderful way to be at peace with yourself. There is no doubt you will do well and one day be a published author.

Love Crystal xx

Friday, April 18, 2008


bodran... said...
GReat to have you back and reinventions good i call it evolving and i'm always at it!
I maybe in your area next week i'mm doing a delivery to Ludlow and i've set myself a challenge to do it on the scooter, so if you want me to pop in pm me your number. if not i'll see you on the 1st xxx

Friday, April 18, 2008


elizabethm said...
welcome back and great to have you blogging again. Very best of luck with the writing.
see you soon!

Friday, April 18, 2008


Elizabethd said...
Lovely to see you again, and with such exciting news. Good luck with your new 'career', and with your sewing too. But how sensible to hold back a bit and ask people to give you time.

Friday, April 18, 2008


mountainear said...
Glad you're back - I've always enjoyed reading your blogs.

Re-invention/evolution is a terrific thing - something I think I managed when we moved here.

See you on the 1st - more news then I hope.

Best wishes, F

Saturday, April 19, 2008


CAMILLA said...
Best of luck with the writing CCA, and all the best for your new career.

Camilla.xx

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Working mum said...
Just to let you know, I have starred this post in Google Reader to come back and read the start of 'Passport to Happiness' when I've got the time.

Good luck with the writing.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Exmoorjane said...
Now then, you ARE a writer - it said so in the paper so it MUST be true! You go girl!
Janexxx

Tuesday, May 13, 2008