It's me, me, me

I have the pleasure of being the last of The Romaniacs to reveal myself today. The Romaniacs are a fab, supportive group of aspiring authors and we're all members of the Romantic Novelist Association's New Writer's scheme. So please come and check us out if you haven't already, and give me some moral support ;) I'm blogging about dreams and determination...

Bye for now xx PS - Here is the link for The Romaniacs

Apologies for my absence

I am still here, albeit positioned somewhere between the rock I crawled under a few months ago and the girl you now see frenetically waving above the parapet, trying to keep afloat. Ok. So I could give a hundred reasons why I haven't blogged for such a long time, but for those who follow me (is there anyone still out there? lol) you will know I'm a positive kind of person and I'm not going to blog and moan and depress you all with my woes of the last few months. Suffice to say I survived my youngest and my birthdays, the divorce process, various flare-ups, Christmas, New Year, my wedding anniversary, our old Labrador being put to sleep, my eldest being finished at work, three weeks out with some variation of the flu, and Valentine's day...

Monday 20th February is Decree Nisi day. Six weeks and one day thereafter, I will be a divorced woman. I am back! Almost. In the meantime, if there is anyone still out there who gives a jot, or anyone who's found this blog because you're a wannabe writer, check out my band of merry, rookie RNA writers - The Romaniacs

As well as my friends and wonderful family, these girls have got me through the last few months. So if you are in need of some inspiration or support, check them out. I WILL be back... Until another day, (hopefully not too far away.) xx

We interrupt this blog with an announcement...

Apologies for anyone expecting to read the 'coping strategies’ I promised in my
previous blog but I have an announcement to make, a rather significant announcement for a wannabe writer…

Last weekend at the inaugural Festival of Romance International Convention I was awarded runner up in the New Talent Award. As someone who doesn’t normally like to sing my own praises, I’m sure you’ll allow me, just for this once to bask in the glory, especially given the year I’ve had.

Only a few weeks ago I didn’t even know whether I’d attend, having booked the weekend on a whim during one of my fight back moments. For aspiring author's to attend, one of the conditions was entering the New Talent Award. Back in August when I (somehow) managed to complete my first novel, 'Mother's Love' for the RNA New Writer’s Scheme, I received some excellent and encouraging feedback, but with everything else that has gone on over recent weeks, I haven’t got round to starting the suggested revisions. And so I duly emailed the required first chapter and synopsis of ‘Mother’s Love’ to Kate Allan, delightful author and organiser of the Festival without another thought.

And what a Festival it was! Superbly organised and executed by everyone involved, it was a joy to mingle with, and learn from established authors, agents and publishers, and to get to know better some of my AA (Aspiring Author) counterparts. What a lovely bunch of Romantic Novelists.

The backdrop of Hunton Park couldn’t have been a better setting, and I almost expected Mr Darcy to come romping across the lawns in my direction. He didn’t, alas, but I got my kicks elsewhere; in particular the session on Erotica versus Erotic Romance, which I’d never dared to even think about but now, especially as I’m a singleton, I may consider ;)

Dressed in my best Audrey Hepburn style posh frock, by the time of the evening dinner, Ball and award ceremony, the residual nerves and lack of confidence were banished by the half bottle of red wine I drank before going out. Thank you to all who kept me company throughout the weekend, and for those I didn’t manage to meet, we’ll hopefully get together at the RNA Winter Party

The awards ceremony commenced – a glitzy, glamorous affair with top talents in the Romantic Genre and Historical being recognised. Then it was onto the Festival’s New Talent Award, with agent, Jane Judd presenting the awards. (I’ve long had my list of top agents and Jane features in my top three.) Looking round the table of talent, I wondered which of my fellow rookie writer’s names might be called. And the first name out…

‘Debbie White receives the commended award for her novel, "Tough Love."’

I don’t know whether it was the fact that the title of the novel wasn’t mine, or that I was so stunned to have a 'commended' that made me freeze in the chair.

‘Go on, that’s you.’ Celia Anderson gave me a little shove, encouraging me to get up and shake hands with my heroine agent.
3rd place – the lovely Sarah Callejo
2nd Place – Rosemary Dun’s name was read out but the title of her novel was mine, ‘Mother’s Love.’Poor Rosemary had had to go home early with dreadful earache.
1st place and winner of the coveted New Talent Award - went to Henriette Gyland Congratulations Henri!

There was evidently some kind of a mix up with the author’s names and titles but it didn’t matter to me. I’d been commended, and for the next hour or two my emotions leapt somewhere between giddy excitement and pure emotion at how I’ve never given up my dream, and at last, irrespective of the eventual outcome with my first novel, I’d had some ‘proper’ official recognition that I can write. I DO have potential. The reason I attended the weekend was to kickstart my badly neglected writing career after events of the last few months and health problems, and this couldn’t have been better incentive.

Late in the evening I saw Jane Judd and her husband look as if they might be making a move, and fuelled by yet more red wine and the knowledge that if I didn’t properly introduce myself I’d always regret it, a wave of courage suddenly gripped me and catapulted me into her path, blocking her exit.

I shook hands nervously, bumbling that there had been a bit of a mix up with the titles, but thanking her for giving me the commendation for 'Mother’s Love.’

‘Is that the one about the Grandmother?’ Jane asked.

‘Yes that’s mine.’

‘No, that was definitely second,’ she said. ‘And it was a close second. I voted for yours to win…’

Second, fourth, I genuinely don't care. I'm sure my fellow AA's will agree, to be able to reach the top four in any kind of contest when you crave publication is massive achievement and big boost of confidence. For me, hearing Jane's comments and to get the opportunity to submit to her is prize enough. Needless to say the rest of the evening passed in a bit of a blur, not only because of the red wine.

Indeed I’ve been pinching myself ever since. I emailed Jane yesterday, saying it was good to meet her, and thanking her for the opportunity to submit the full MS which I will do once I’ve made the RNA NWS suggested tweaks. (I was also trying to prove that I could be professional and not a complete drunken buffoon.)Twenty minutes later she emailed back, not only confirming that I hadn’t dreamt Saturday night, but also giving me her feedback and the constructive feedback from Donna Condon, Senior Editor at Piatkus publishing.

With that invaluable advice, the hard work really starts for me, but bring it on. Everything happens for a reason. I always knew writing would be my salvation, and as I look back I see that booking the Festival of Romance weekend on a whim was not just a fightback moment, it might well be a defining moment. Life will get better from this point onwards, I just know it…

Until another day

Bye for now
xx

PS - Click here - for full details of the nominees and winners of Festival of Romance Awards. In particular, splediferous well done's to:
Sue Moorcroft - winner of Best Romantic Read
Jean Fullerton - winner of Best Historical Romance Read
Henri Gyland - Winner of best New Talent
Carole Matthews - Outstanding contribution to Romantic Fiction

PPS - All photos are courtesy of the wonderful talented Liz Crump - thanks Liz, and great to meet you!

'W' is for ... writer, and whether I'm one

I don’t suppose I’ll be the only blogger participating in the A-Z challenge that will post ‘W’ for ‘Writer's,' but am the only one who has a slight niggle inside about calling myself a writer?

It's hard to call yourself a writer when you don't have anything published.
If we're going to be precise, I suppose I'm a wannabe writer. I write, that's what writer's do (granted, I might be doing more blogging than writing at the moment - lol) but as a rule, I write every day. In fact,my family will tell you I'm a full time writer and sit at the laptop 24/7. That's not strictly true. I sleep in between. And eat. I just don't get paid for writing, yet, although I can't think of a writer I've met yet, who does it for the money.

I've written a novel. It wasn't good enough so I've re-written it. Three times at the last count. And I've started another. Well, I have the first couple of chapters. Then there are the jotted ramblings, characters, settings for another, I don't know how many, novels.

I can't tell you how frustrating it was when I had my latest flare up and subsequent surgery and couldn't write. There were times when I thought I might go seriously mad! I have to write or I become irritable and grumpy, and bored, and my brain won't shut down when I go to bed.

There’s nothing I prefer to do than write. If I was shipwrecked on a desert island, I'd need my laptop. Me and my best friend.

But then I can never be lonely while I have an internet connection, and the company of all of you lovely people, and most of you, other writers. You're the only people who really 'get' me. We get each other.

Writing is not just about being published. It's about a way of life - living, breathing, and sleeping writing. That's why I was up at 4.30am this morning, typing this. Sometimes, you have to give in to the inspiration for the next blog, or the next few paragraphs of the book.

Whenever I meet anyone and they ask me what I do for a living I rush to tell them that I had to retire because of ill health and I don't work. Sometimes I add quietly that I write, I'm working on my novel. I usually have two responses. 'Oh, I've always wanted to write a novel,' is quite common. I smile inwardly when I hear this, and ponder whether they've ever sat, day after day, night after night, typing, editing, crafting, toiling, all for a few sentences, which if they're still not good enough will be cut anyway.

The other comment I get, fires my belly, and spurs me on.

'Good for you,' they'll say. 'I wish I could write. Let me have a copy when you're published, will you?'

At this point, I'll relay the tale to hubby.

'Well, I'm not a writer, yet,' I say.

'Yes, you are,' he responds, then he rolls his eyes at the dishes stacked up on the kitchen worktop, and turns the oven on to make his own tea...


Until another day
Bye for now
xx

Re-inventing oneself

I’ve had to re-invent myself many times over the years, and never more so than when I retired from my job in a bank due to ill health. I didn’t face up to the gaping hole left by leaving the bank, and to all intents ending my career-not until several years later when it came back and bit me in the bum inadvertently through a challenging and difficult chain of events.

Behcets disease means I can go through periods of reasonably good health, although over latter years a good day is just ok. I always have pain somewhere-you just get used to it, and you have to get on with it.

The most frustrating thing about living with it is that my brain is still alive-it’s just that my body won’t always let me do what I want it to!
I was rather pleased when I was able to turn my magpie tendencies of collecting fabric and crafty bits into a small business, Despina Gifts. For years, friends and family told me I should sell some of the keepsakes I’d hand crafted for their birthday and Christmas presents and I eventually I plucked up the courage to go for it. However, because of the popularity of handcrafted items (and my own weakness-being such a ‘driven’ person,) the hobby became a full time job and encroached drastically on home life. Once this happened it had to be worth my while and after several months of sticking my head in the sand, I did concede that making £150 in a month was not sustainable longer term.

Nothing could be as hard as my pronouncement to ‘give in’ to the illness and leave the bank. For years, I told people-“When I lost my job in the bank due to ill health.” Because of the kind of person I am I felt a failure. In addition, I don’t like to do anything unless I do it really well and am successful at it.
The decision to give up my craft business was marginally easier because the facts were harsh-crafting was killing my hands and whilst it was nice to get a bit of pin money I was never going to be a millionaire doing it. And when the arthritis symptom of my Bechets reared its ugly head before Christmas, right at a time when the kitchen looked more like Santa’s workshop, I knew it was time to admit defeat and change what I was doing.

Always the survivor, I’ve become a dab hand at re-inventing myself over the years. As Charles Darwin once said-“The organism that adapts will survive...the organism that doesn’t will become extinct...” Fifteen years in Banking and watching the ‘old dinosaur’ Bank Managers disappear taught me that was true.

It was a hard to feel like a 'quitter' again and be reminded of my fragility, but I’m over it now and just make the personalised PE Kit and Teacher Resources Bags in my spare time and sell through a shop on E-bay called Despina Bags-of-Fun. The bags would get out of control again if I let it-I have orders on the board for 41 bags at present. I think I must be filling a gap in the market somewhere-pity I’m not well enough to exploit it! Instead I’ve told my customers that there is a 2-4 week waiting period which allows me to take my time and work designing and making bags around my other priorities.

Because the great thing about re-inventing yourself is that you get the chance to become the person you always wanted to be, and do the things that bring you joy-it’s a chance to discover your passion, (which may change constantly as circumstances in our lives change) and then live the life.

Of course no one will ever be “picture-perfect” in this life. But “fulfilled and satisfied” is the name of the game for me and I’ve got this far with very few regrets or missed opportunities so it’s got to be pursued. Which brings me to my current passion..WRITING...."Why writing?" I hear you cry.

Well, I've been telling my friends and family for over ten years that this is what I'd like to do. I have so many ideas for stories and bits of writing after ten years of thinking and daydreaming about it that it is ridiculous. My notebooks of scribbling are weighing down the loft. I have made enough excuses-been busy doing other things/nervous/putting it off/not sure where to start for too long.
I have a filofax now and a copy of Jane Wenham-Jones's book, "wannabe a writer?" about getting into print. And I want it, (to write and be published, that is.)

I’ve done enough pontificating, prevaricating and procrastinating. It's time to just get on with it. And I am getting on with it, even though there are many of you bloggers that do it better-You are funnier, more descriptive, more accomplished, maybe already a published author. I just can’t miss the chance to re-invent myself and try and live a dream once more. And it is only thanks to the bloggers on this site that I have been able to free up my mind in the last year or so and see clearly that it’s time to have a go at achieving my next ambition, and with any luck, my health shouldn’t be too much of a barrier for this one.

I’ll tell you more about where I’m up to another day, (and catch up on my homework, I promise Headmistress.)


Until then

Bye for now




WesterWitch/Headmistress said...
Ahhhhh - weird - we are both at the same point in life. Good for you. And remember as writers no one of us is better than the other - if you love to write then you write and your love of your gift and your creativity will shine through and they will touch the people they are meant to touch.

Friday, April 18, 2008


ChrisH said...
Good to have you back and best wishes for your new career.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Frances said...
Hello to you, fellow adapter!

Every time that I have been able to choose to make a change, or have been able to make an un-sought change, it has made my life much more interesting. Stretch, stretch, stretch.

Every switcheroo turn has introduced me to unknown personal aspects, but also has opened me up to meeting all sorts of new people, and learning new skills.

From reading your blogs, I know that you are indeed a writer. It is going to be fun to see where giving your writing more priority will lead.

All best wishes to you! xo

Friday, April 18, 2008


Pipany said...
Hurray, you're back! Love to hear of you reinventing yourself (while remaining the same lovely you of course); it always excites me to read of new beginnings and to follow how they go - keeps life fresh and full of possibilites, so I shall be following this closely (though not like a stalker obviously!) xx

Friday, April 18, 2008


Milla said...
good for you, CCA, keep on keeping on.

Friday, April 18, 2008


toady said...
Yippeee you're back. So sorry that your health problems are encroaching but that positive outlook is fantastic.[send some this way!]
Now don't disappear again.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Crystal Jigsaw said...
So lovely to see you blogging again. Another blog to look forward to reading. I shall read the first 2 chapters in your other blog later on when I have a little more time to sit down and concentrate. Writing is such a wonderful way to be at peace with yourself. There is no doubt you will do well and one day be a published author.

Love Crystal xx

Friday, April 18, 2008


bodran... said...
GReat to have you back and reinventions good i call it evolving and i'm always at it!
I maybe in your area next week i'mm doing a delivery to Ludlow and i've set myself a challenge to do it on the scooter, so if you want me to pop in pm me your number. if not i'll see you on the 1st xxx

Friday, April 18, 2008


elizabethm said...
welcome back and great to have you blogging again. Very best of luck with the writing.
see you soon!

Friday, April 18, 2008


Elizabethd said...
Lovely to see you again, and with such exciting news. Good luck with your new 'career', and with your sewing too. But how sensible to hold back a bit and ask people to give you time.

Friday, April 18, 2008


mountainear said...
Glad you're back - I've always enjoyed reading your blogs.

Re-invention/evolution is a terrific thing - something I think I managed when we moved here.

See you on the 1st - more news then I hope.

Best wishes, F

Saturday, April 19, 2008


CAMILLA said...
Best of luck with the writing CCA, and all the best for your new career.

Camilla.xx

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Working mum said...
Just to let you know, I have starred this post in Google Reader to come back and read the start of 'Passport to Happiness' when I've got the time.

Good luck with the writing.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Exmoorjane said...
Now then, you ARE a writer - it said so in the paper so it MUST be true! You go girl!
Janexxx

Tuesday, May 13, 2008