Thursday, 16 August 2007

Nightime, or is it morning ramblings?...

I looked for the 'can't sleep' forum for 10 minutes at 4 o’clock this morning. I could have done it at 2.30am. Anyway it's not there so I left a comment on a ‘can’t sleep’ post and have sat down at PC again armed with tea and toast, to blog and see if that helps.

It feels a bit like a confession...I don't have time to blog at present and feel bad for not 'keeping in touch’ on purple coo as much as I should and reading everyone's blogs-6 weeks holidays and all that...hey ho, I always wished I could find more hours in the day. Maybe this is the answer?

I could no longer listen to the clock tick tick ticking in my head or stand the bedding being rythmically lifted up and down, up and down syncronised to the gentle "Pphhwww's" of the 'puffer Billy’ lying next to me.

Of course it’s his fault I am awake. The Workaholic Hubby has a VERY IMPORTANT meeting in London and has to be on the train. His last words as we went to sleep last night were "Please darling, whatever you do...kick me out of bed in the morning..."
And so it has been that since 2.30am I have worried about oversleeping...and getting all my orders finished before we go on holiday next week (we got to Greece on the 25th for a week.)

Then in my head, the great bikini v swimsuit debate...I'm only 40 for heavens sake...but despite being blessed with a boy like figure and only weighing nine and a half stone I still have a jelly belly. Two 9lb+ babys and a penchant for Maltesers and Galaxy chocolate. No chance to go swimming every day with the boys off school...and all the orders to do...and all the lists to make to remember everything before we go away.
Anyway swimsuits won't hide the cellulite on my flabby thighs.

It's Nans birthday on Saturday. I have kept the receipts because whatever I buy her won't be right. This birthday I have bought her a tracksuit. Not a Nike/chav type of track suit. She is 89 on Saturday and despite having survived a major operation and spending a week in ITU earlier this year, she won’t be running far with her squeeky zimmer. So it is a Bon Marche 'special'-plum coloured pants made from a soft feel chenille/crimpelene mix with an elasticated waistband and a co-ordinating cream and plum striped top, 'roomy fit' but not like a tent. I have cut the label out already as she doesn't like those sticking in her skin. But I bet she doesn't like the stripes...will say they make her look big...

Good job I have bought her a hand crafted cushion from one of my 'Made in Shropshire'colleagues. That will be the boys gift to her. I hope she can read the wording with her catarracts. I suspect she will complain about the buttons sticking in her back.

She rang me yesterday to tell me my Dad was coming over today from Hull.
“That will be nice for you,” I said.
“Yes, but I hope he doesn’t stop long, I don’t want to miss my programmes...I like my programmes in the afternoons...”
She doesn’t know but he’ll be leaving her at lunchtime. He’s meeting me for the 2nd time in 20 years... and his grandson's for the first time.

Idle Jack asked me last night “Do you think we’ll like your Dad Mum?”
“Remember he isn't just my dad, he's your Grandad" I replied, "and yes I think so. I do...” I answered.
He is a very likeable chap. My dad. Maybe I will become a ‘Daddy’s girl’ after all like some of my friends who that special bond with their dads... ‘Daddy’s Princess’...Maybe I am a bit old in the tooth for that. But it is nice to have him back in my life after all these years. All these wasted years...

Oh, how to tell Nan we are going away again. She complained last week when I came back from the caravan that I seemed to have been away most of the six weeks holidays. That's the idea. I am not her primary carer any more.
Maybe I should just go away and not mention it...she doesn't need to know. I could pretend I was at the Post Office when she tells me she rang...
She will only complain that I shouldn’t be leaving her when she’s so ill. And she won't make it to her next birthday. And that I need to protect the boys from the sun...and me getting skin cancer now I am ‘getting on a bit’...and gypsy’s abducting the boys...It’s the same every holiday. At least I am not going to Portugal.

Every day I think about little Maddie. Every day Quiet Mousie asks “Have they found little Maddie yet Mummy?” He must watch me watching the news. They won’t be out of our sight this holiday.

I haven’t got to Greece yet...Bags to make...Gingham Bags, Dinosaur bags, Fairy Bags, Pink Flower and Heart Bags, Boat Bags... ‘All personalised with a name/wording of your choice’... ‘an essential for the child starting school or nursery in September...’
Every year children start school in September and I say I am going to be better organised...Every year I don’t quite anticipate the demand for my little handcrafted items...but people like their children to have their own ‘special bag’ with their name on. Hand crafted in Shropshire and not 'Made in China.'

It is approaching 5am and the dog hasn’t lifted an eyelid to me. “Mad woman...” he dreams.

At least I didn’t sleep in.

Until another day

Bye for now


toady said...

Not surprised that you couldn't sleep with all those niggles going round and round. We've had a yo yo night taking it in turns to get up and let Bo out. The poor old chap is going deaf and blind and he goes out into the garden then forgets why he went out there!
Now don't over do it and stop winding yourself up over your Nan. She won't change now, so as long as she is safe, clean and somebody is looking in on her, go to Greece and have have a great time.

Blossomcottage said...

I agree with Toady go and enjoy and stop worrying about Nan she will be fine,Idle Jack will love his Grandpa and in no time will make up for the years gone by.

Faith said...

Hope you have a wonderful holiday. Be brave wear a bikini anyway - your husband loves you as you are so what does it matter if someone else sees your cellulite (everyone's got in anyway!)

I'm sure the meeting with dad will be fine and you can put the past behind you.

Lovely to read your blog.

Chris Stovell said...

Oh goodness, Angel, you have a lot on your mind again. You must go off on your holiday and switch off. Your Nan is very good at looking after herself, it would seem, so you know she'll be all right. As for the belly - we've seen the photos and we know how glam you are! Your 'jelly belly' will be someone else's gorgeous curves. Be proud! We are real women with real lives; stretch marks and wobbly bits are badges of honour! Remember yourself!


I know all about not being able to sleep - it's grim. Sounds like you need that holiday.

Beautiful cushion, by the way. And lovely bags, too.

elizabethm said...

hope things look nice and easy today in the morning light! they usually do for me. was thinking of suggesting a get together either right at the end of august of mid september but sounds like you will be away for the august dates? if you felt like making the drive which took jo and i a bit less than two hours but is a nice one (and we stopped for tea and cake) it would be great to see you up here in wales. I am about half an hour or forty minutes nearer than jo so you would be very welcome to come here for lunch. what are your holiday dates?

Elizabethd said...

How nice to think that you will be seeing your father...yes, maybe difficult too, but time has gone by now.
and as for Nan, she will survive. Try to shut your mind to her niggles, it is all attention seeking. Go.....and enjoy your time away. Your life is important.

bradan said...

Hi Angel and STOP WORRYING!!
Your Nan will be fine and you will look wonderful in your bikini!
I'm sure that all will go well with seeing your Dad too and your boys will love their Grandpa.

Best wishes xx

countrymousie said...

Hi Angel - so sorry you have had a sleepness night - Your nan indeed will be fine - your tummy will look fine - think how large those Greek ladies get and you will look like twiggy on that beach I guarantee!! Get those bits on show that really set them alight if you get my drift. And dont let that husband of yours turn too orange!!!! lots of love mousie.

FunkyMunky said...

I agree with everyone else ... put yourself first for a change and have a wonderful holiday. Your nan will be fine.

Hope the meeting with your dad goes well. It's never too late to become a daddy's little girl. I wasn't very close to my dad as I was growing up ... we're very alike and used to argue alot ... but since I got married, we've become good friends and have a lovely close relationship!!

Hope you sleep better tonight xx

bodran... said...

Insomnia, i'm always like that if we have an early morning..have a lovely holiday, and wear a bikini !!xx

snailbeachshepherdess said...

Hello Angel...glad to hear you had a lovely time up north and I'm sure you will have a great time in Greece in that bikini!! It wouldn't be you not to be just relax and enjoy seeing the boys getting to know for nan...she will be cared for in your absence......go...and leave your worries behind for a change

Cait O'Connor said...

So glad to hear today was a special day for you.
Allow yourself to be the most important person for a change and have a great holiday in Greece with your soulmate.

Suffolkmum said...

Sorry about the sleepless night, but lovely to see your blog again! I agree, of course, with what all the other wise purplecooers have said - NO worrying about your Nan, you deserve your own time. I hope you had a wonderful time with your Dad, it doesn't really matter about the intervening years, you are still his little girl.

CAMILLA said...

It has all been said already, agree, enjoy your holiday and I'm sure your Nan will be fine, have a great holiday and forget your worries, and DO wear that bikini.
Love your bag CCA, Is there one like that with SPECIAL DAUGHTER, I would love to order for Christmas, thank you.


Pondside said...

Hi CCA - I hope the vacation in Greece is wonderful! Put on the teeniest bikini and just go and have fun - I have always found that once I get to the beach and see all the shapes there, that mine seems to be not quite so flabby - and we all know that a tanned body always looks better!

wildtomato said...

Love your work, the scenery in your neck of the woods, and of course, your dog Simba!

muddyboots said...

have a great holiday in greece, we're off to corfu soon.. forget about your nan!

Westerwitch/Headmistress said...

Don't you just hate it when you wake up and the brain kicks in and all the niggles of the day start crowding around waitng their turn.

I didn't put up an I can't sleep Forum - just thought I would do the chat post each night. We have an awful lot of forums.

Gawd you're going away again - I hope you all get wonderful weather and plenty of time to relax. We shall miss you - we always do.



@themill said...

Welcome back - and how far you've travelled since April! Hope you had a lovely time with your dad. And you will look brilliant in a bikini - unlike me, who yesterday was asked, 'When's your baby due?'
Have a fantastic holiday and don't feel guilty about not blogging! It's good to break the habit now and again.

Shiloh and Genny's Family said...

I love your blog. Glad I'm not the only one who comes to these things in the midddle of the night. Your countryside looks so beautiful and serene - as does your dog in that picture! The bags you make are vry nice too. You have good friends here and I am sure that they are right.

I'm 40, fighting that tummy, and mostly sleepless. Family can be interesting, can't they? I've had a pretty dysfunctional one, most of whom are deceased now.

"Puffer Billy!" My huby is named Billy too - I have to borrow that phrase, if you don't mind.

See you on the blogs - where's that sleepless chat?


Marianne said...

So glad to hear I'm not alone at 4am - perhaps we should email each other. I thought, once the children were no longer babies, that I would no longer do the dawn watch, but somehow I do these days. Fine in the holidays when I can sleep in, but not so good in term time when I can't.

Have a good holiday. Intrigued about the meeting with your Dad - I too have a Dad story.

Posie said...

Oh you will be shattered, glad you are busy though and totally understand the difficulty in keeping in touch at this time of year, I am struggling too, but when you have a minute it is always lovely to have a catch up with you. Have a fab well deserved holiday. Posie x

Fennie said...

Sounds as though you will have a great time. Do hope the weather is kind for you. Forget everything! The world will carry on in the same old way. And as for the beach, just remember that the fashion police are all on holiday, so just enjoy yourself.