Tuesday, 12 October 2010

This is it. Bye for now

Hurricane Debbie. That’s what they should call me today. I’ve just sat down to take a breather between hoovering, dusting, cleaning bathrooms.

I’ll never get it all done before I go in hospital tomorrow. Why do us women nest like this? I’m the same at Christmas, before I go on holiday, if I go on a writing course, and now before I go in for my surgery.

There are a million things to do but I am compelled to make sure the house is clean, the washing is up to date, the boys all have shirts, school uniform, Chef whites lined up for the next few days.

I know they’ll be fine. It’s not as if they’re babies. They’re all quite self sufficient (they’ve had to be with my health.) And my hubby is a gem at times like these. Even with his mountain of work, he’ll cope wonderfully as he always does.

'You don’t need to do all this, we can do it,’ he chastises me.

I know they can. But making sure everything is in order is my way of having a little control. It makes me feel better; gives me peace of mind, knowing that while I’m away, they will all be okay. And lets be honest, being busy distracts me.

The pre-op on Thursday made it all feel real. Pulling up on the car park of the Priory, Birmingham my stomach collapsed inwardly, my legs turned to Bambi and my heart banged against my chest, attempting to escape.

I can’t escape. It has to be done. I know it will all go well. I have the best surgeon in the country for this complex surgery.

Because of my health complications the Anaesthetist wanted to see me at the pre-op to check a few things. He’ll come to see me tomorrow too beforehand. It helps that he is completely gorgeous. His bright green eyes are intense but kind, his presence is reassuring. He anticipates my surgery lasting at least seven hours and I have to be catheterised (which I've never had before) but the good news is I won't be on a ventilator - they need me to be alert, to keep my airwaves clear and get me mobile as soon as possible afterwards. Being on a ventilator was one of my fears so that’s good.

So, the plan is, I go into hospital tomorrow (Wednesday) at 1pm and in view of the length of surgery, should go down first (about 3.30pm) to theatre. All being well, I should be finished by about 10-11 pm and straight into intensive care. It depends how I get on the first day whether I'll stay in intensive care another night or go to my own room. Do you want to place your bets now as to how long you think I’ll be in there? You bet. I’m hoping to be home for Sunday or Monday.

Don’t worry. I'm a good patient so I won’t rush things. I’ve had enough operations to know it’s best to do as I'm told. And at least at the other side of all of this, I will be able to be proactive at helping myself recover. For the last year and a half I’ve been helpless and at times, terribly depressed, overwhelmed by pain and the misery of my whole predicament.

At last, this is what I’ve been waiting for.

I have never been more frightened about any operation than this. I wish Woozle was still with us. I miss her. But I know she’s with me in spirit and wishing me a speedy recover. I will get that cup of tea and huge slice of cake at De Grays very soon.

One day. One precious day. One drop of time.

I’ll see you when I see you.

Until then

Bye for now

xx


26 comments:

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I'm sending you my love and hoping you have a very speedy recovery.

CJ xx

Milla said...

Good luck, chicken. Feeling apprehensive for you - it seems like Oct 13th has suddenly arrived. This time next week... All luck and love XX

Frances said...

You have made me laugh a bit with the reporting of your intensive cleaning round the house. Well, of course, you'd want to keep busy!

As I've read through your description of the surgery, my mind truly re-focused on what a brave, bright and resilliant lady you are. Best of all wishes to you (and to those doctors, too.) May your recovery be swift.

Looking forward to seeing you next year.
xo

TIGGYWINKLE said...

Thinking and praying for your speedy recovery after surgery. Your positive attitude and courage will see you through. From Tiggy with love.xxx

Madeleine said...

Lots of healing thoughts from me to you.:O) xx

Ivy said...

I do understand you are worried but I know all will be fine. I am amazed about the short time they intend to keep you in hospital, but then there is no place like home to recover. Please promise me you won't do anything the doctors don't 100% agree of. No housework no matter how many cobwebs you can spot from your place on the sofa etc!- May your doctors have an enlightened day tomorrow. A big hug (gawd my jaws are aching after I looked at the picture)

mountainear said...

Can't add much but my very best wishes and hopes for a speedy recovery. x

Chris Stovell said...

Gosh, Milla has summed it up - that date's come round very quickly - for us anyway.

Brave, brave girl we're all hoping for you to be good as new and out the other side as soon as possible. Love ChrisX

muddyboots said...

good luck, looks an amazing op, you'll be fine xxx

Fennie said...

We'll all be waiting for you on the other side, Debbie. It will all be routine. Be thinking of you tomorrow.
Mind over matter. May the angels take care of one of their own.

(The word thingy is ovenduc - which is weird in view of the oven goose thing a couple of Christmases ago!)

Fenniexx

Fran said...

Sending lots of love, and one day we'll celebrate your new jaw with a glass of Baileys. XX

elizabethm said...

Thinking of you and sending you love and good luck. Can't wait to meet up and have that cup of tea (and cake I think). xxx

Jenny Beattie said...

All the very best to you and your family.

Amanda said...

Good luck and sending good vibes across the internet x

Pipany said...

Oh Debbie, the very very best of luck. You have all our love and thoughts, plus dear Woozle will be there with you.You have come so far and your bravery is amazing. Keep going lovely (and thank you so much for your order - I only wish I had realised it was you!!). Much love to you xx

Flowerpot said...

Oh I do wish you all the best and take care. Thikning of you.xx

Melissa Marsh said...

Blessings to you...

Debs said...

I've been away for three days, so am only catching up on blog posts now. You're at this moment having your operation and I'm sending you all love, positive thoughts and know it'll all go well.

I don't know many places on the mainland, but I do know De Greys (used to go there all the time with my ex-husband when I was staying with his aunt who lives in Hope Bagot). I love De Greys and have borrowed its name for a shop in one of my books.

Sending love from one Debs to another. x

Colette McCormick said...

It was Thursday before I read this so you should have had your operation went well and that you are already on the road to recovery. Take care.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

OK - so far so good - have heard that you are back in charge, battered and bruised but behaving

CAMILLA said...

My love and best wishes to you dear Angel. I so admire your immense strength and courage, what a brave lady you are.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of healing blessings.

Love Camilla.xx

Posie said...

Angel I am late visiting, so now the op will be over, I am thinking of you and wish you a comfortable recovery. It looks a very painful procedure, and a long time to be in theatre, so go very easy on yourself....no trying to be wonder woman as soon as you are home, take it easy.
Posie xx

her at home said...

Thought Id leave commenting until you are at least takign those first ( I hope careful !!) steps to recovery. I am sure all wil be well you are a born fighter and a shining example ot all of us who grumble feebly about all our littel aches and pains and spend far too much time contemplating our own navels!! Wel doen brave woman adn keep on going onwards an upwards!

bayou said...

Have been thinking of you all the time whilst I was away, dear Angel and hope that now the long route of recovery has started. Sending you all my positive waves for to maintain your braveness and strength. What a girl you are!

Suzanne Jones said...

Thinking of you and sending much love.

XX

Irish Nomad said...

Hope you are home and recovering well.